Courageous

I went to see the movie "Courageous" last night. It is a movie that would have slipped under my radar, if not were not for the words from a MountainWings email - "Grab a man who is a father and take them to see the movie Courageous".

It isn't your mainstream Hollywood movie. It has a very blatant Christian message. But the underlying message is to fathers everywhere. It is a movie I would want to see if I was a father.

As a single mother of three sons, I was surprised that it did not impact me on an emotional level.

Yes - each and every one of the issues addressed was at the forefront of my mind while I raised my Oldest Son. He was perhaps my most 'at risk' child due to what he saw and felt during the first nine years of his life. I raised him in fear. I was strict and unwavering in my ways ... because I did not want to see him go the way of his father. Nor did I want him to become one of 'those' statistics.

"There but for the grace of God (go I)". These are the words that rose to my subconscious after I wrote the preceding paragraph. There were times when I felt that things could have gone either way ... but we were spared. My Oldest has had some growing pains, but his life is headed in a good direction. Is this a movie that I would like for him to see before he considers fatherhood? Emphatically, I reply "Yes!"

I packed up my two sons and moved them a province away from the drama of our previous life soon after my Second Son was born.

My Middle Son was raised without knowing his father. He had some positive male role models and a Big Brother during his teens. I never 'told stories' about his dad. One way or another. I said nothing and let him draw his own conclusions as he grew up and had the opportunity to meet his him (yes, he was 'that old' when his dad was introduced into his life).

My Middle Son is now 24 years old and has own, unbiased opinions about his dad. He is wise beyond his years and we have had many conversations about 'all of the above'. I would very much like for him to see this movie. He has the same blood ties as My Oldest has ... but he doesn't carry the emotional baggage. I would like to hear his perspective.

My Youngest Son's circumstances are entirely different. His father and I never married; nor did we ever live together. We always lived (and continue to live) two independent lives. We are no longer 'a couple', but we do remain friendly and he does make the effort to call and drop in to see His Son. His father is not a negative influence in my son's life. Nor is he a positive one.

There is one scene in the movie that did hit a nerve with me. It was a scene where a teen-age son was reaching out to his dad and almost begging his dad to run a 5K marathon with him. His dad had no interest in running, nor interest in the video games that his son was into. He shrugged off his son's pleas without even looking his son in the eyes, to see the pain he inflicted so carelessly.

This segued into another scene with the same dad with his daughter. A whimsical moment when she asked him to dance with her to her favorite song as they were sitting in their parked vehicle. He didn't want to make a public spectacle of himself so he turned her down. So ... she danced by herself. For him.

These are a scenes that I have been guilty of. These scenes depict the relationship that My Youngest has with his father. These are scenes that are addressed later in the movie. One of those scenes has the opportunity to have a happy ending.

Am I worried about My Youngest? No.

He has a strong bond with his Older Brother. He carries no emotional baggage towards his father. The door is open for him to develop a relationship with his father. But neither one of them appears to be walking through that door on an emotional level.

Would I like for My Youngest to watch this movie? Yes. Because I would really like to hear how he feels about the whole 'fatherhood' thing.

I believe that on some level, every single one of my boys has missed out on having a real Dad in their lives. There are scenarios when that presence is detrimental. This movie did not address that issue. That is perhaps why it didn't hit home with me in a way that one would assume that it would.

My mother-in-law once told me (as a child of divorce), that children never ever stop hoping that their parents will get back together.

A single father knowingly looked me in the eye and told me that 'without a doubt ... if a man is a father, there is not a day that goes by that he doesn't think of his children. Whether they are a part of his life or not'.

I listen to 'the world' around me and I hear the emptiness created in a person's life when their parental relationships are not fulfilled. Where there is a missing (or disfunctional) parent ... there is a void.

But there is that one scene that spoke to me ...

Is it too late for My Youngest and his father? When it comes to parenthood ... it is never easy. But it is never too late.