Thursday, December 2, 2010

Caffeine Hangover + Adrenaline Crash = ??

I went out for supper with a friend Tuesday night. We had a most incredible visit. She officially 'signed up' to go along with me on an Alaskan Cruise. And we drank coffee. Boy! Did we drink coffee!!

I could have come home from a visit like that and been as high as a kite, had I been drinking water.

Good company, conversation that goes beyond the surface, shared history and getting reacquainted with an old friend is a recipe for elation in my world. Adrenaline kicks in and I get chatty, giddy and over-the-top-bubbly.

Add coffee to that equation and I was down right annoying.

I woke up Wednesday morning with the remains of both the caffeine and the adrenaline in my system. My eyes popped open with the alarm. My heart started racing in anticipation of the day ahead. I was pumped!

I wrote a 2 page response to an email when 20 words would have been suffice. My thoughts and energy flitted from one thing to the next during the hour of 'me time' that precedes my work day. Happy! Happy! Happy!! That was me.

Then I worked. I worked at my out-of-the-house-job all morning. I came home and had lunch. I had phone calls to return and I had work to do.

Then it happened. I crashed.

I started second guessing my actions and words of the past week. The tape in my mind rewound and I thought, "Why do you talk so much??" ... "You shouldn't have said 'that' " ... "I should have reacted differently" ... "What if "...

I seemed to have lost the ability to make simple decisions. I had phone calls to return and I didn't feel like talking. I heard my voice as I was speaking. The other person was reflecting my 'loss of self'. The conversations were brief and lacking.

I was doing my best. I had another conversation (in my head) going on at the same time telling me, "It's the after effects of the caffeine/adrenaline" ... "You are making mountains out of mole hills" ... "This won't feel like such a big deal tomorrow" ... "You will do better next time" ...

I tried quieting my thoughts and my conscience. But they were too loud.

At the same time, waves of exhaustion were hitting me with such a force that I finally succumbed to them. I had logged a 5 1/2 hour work day. My Youngest was safely home from school. I grabbed a blanket ... and I slept. And it was good.

I went to a Bellyfit class after that. Bellyfit may not be doing a lot for my body ... but it restores my soul. It's a quiet work out. We are instructed to take all of my thoughts and put them on a shelf for that hour. At the end of the hour we are told to forgive ourselves for our negative thoughts and reminded to thank ourselves for taking time for ourselves. It's a little bit of a zen-like experience. A very good experience at the end of a guilt ridden afternoon.

The answer to the equation: "Caffeine Hangover + Adrenaline Crash = ??"

?? = "A nice long snooze and a Bellyfit class"

I am cured.

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