Priorities

I once had a friend who's exuberance for life amazed me. She told me that she woke up in the morning, excited about the day ahead. She had more ideas and plans for that day than there were hours to fulfill her desires. I looked at her in awe, thinking that she had stumbled upon something wonderful.

That was possibly 15 years ago. It was a moment in our friendship that stays with me. I remember it a lot these days because I am close to that same spot in my life. And it is pretty great. The feeling that there are not enough hours in the day to pursue all of your hopes, dreams and goals is a very good way to greet the day.

Unfortunately, it is a little overwhelming as well. In among pursuing those goals, one still has to tend to the responsibilities of day-to-day-life. How can I do it all?

I'm starting to realize that I can't do it all. I have to put some things to the side to maintain an equilibrium that keeps my life in balance. It's not that I am giving up 'the dream' or the goals. I am delaying them a bit. But I'm not giving up.

I've gone through an exhaustive phase this past winter. A tiredness that felt physical, but that I now believe was more psychological. There has been an underlying sadness that bordered on a depressed state of mind. But I never felt powerless. I took charge by resting when I was overwhelmed, stopping some projects in midstream when I just didn't have the gumption to move forward and I pampered myself in small ways. The balance in my life teetered a bit, but I didn't fall.

As the smoke has cleared from the months gone by, I can see the necessity for some of the breaks that I took (and continue to take). There are only so many hours in a day and I have to choose what takes priority.

Yesterday, my mom asked me why I felt so tired and my immediate answer was that I have added 1 - 2 hours of exercise into my daily routine; I have an extra book keeping job that can take up to 4 hours out of my day (on the busy days) and I have doubled up my time at the dance studio. I haven't relinquished any of my previous commitments ... so I sleep less. I am tired.

This past weekend, I gave myself another break. I took care of many must-do items on the never ending to-do list and I exercised. But I also took out time for myself. I finished reading a book, I watched some shows that I had taped, I did crosswords, I had coffee with a friend, supper with family and watched a movie with Kurt 2 nights in a row. I took a breath.

As I went to bed last night, I made a promise to myself to get up one half hour earlier. That half hour is a gift to myself. No exercise, no chores, no running around. Time for me. Maybe if I take that time at the beginning of each day, I won't be so exhausted by the weekend.

I am not giving up on my dreams and my goals. I need the fire within, that pursuing a passion can bring. It may take a while ... but I'll still get there.

In the mean time, I have to take each day as it comes and prioritize life. Time for work, time for play, time for rest and time to reach for those impossible dreams.