Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Every Day Miracles

I love to focus on the simple pleasures of life. When you look around you, miracles abound. Sometimes they are disguised as a tragedy ... but when the dust settles, often a person can find one thing to be grateful for (even if it takes a while to find it).

This past weekend I was thinking of a friend. A friend that I have known for 37(ish) years ... a friend that I haven't seen in 35 or so years ... a friend that I keep in contact with at Christmas time and now (thanks to the miracle of email), maybe a time or two throughout the year. I thought of her on 2 separate occasions, with 2 totally different 'triggers' to have me thinking of her. And ... I got an email from her on Sunday!! Talk about a small miracle! To think that we happened to be thinking of each other at the same time ... a 'lifetime' of living, 2 totally separate lives and over 1700 miles separate us ... and we were thinking of each other at the same time. It truly makes one believe in "fate or else our ears are burning in synchrony" to quote my friend. It makes the world feel so much smaller when things like that happen.

I've been busy writing letters (the old fashioned way ... where you actually put pen to paper and mail them) this past short while. I write to my mom every week, but I added a few extra people to the mix ... just because I was thinking of them. The connection isn't as instantaneous as email, but the sentiment is just the same. "I'm thinking of you ... and thought I'd let you know."

In this world full of global unrest and financial uncertainty where every day, people are facing their own mountains - whether a personal crisis, being a care giver to an aging family, facing one's own health challenges or a rough patch in life ... I think it is important to find the blessings mixed in amongst the turmoil.

Letting someone know they are in your thoughts can make a difference. You just never know ... maybe that friend was thinking of you too.

Friday, October 24, 2008


I have woken before my alarm every day for the past several weeks. It is a blissful state - to wake up well rested and ready to face the day before being disturbed by an annoying alarm.

There is an excitement inside of me that has my heart racing, putting myself out on a limb and taking chances, facing old situations with a new perspective and I simply feel like my brain is in a high functioning state right now.

My finances have been facing one crisis after the next for the past 3 months or so.

My spending came to a screeching halt when I had my furnace/ducts professionally cleaned at the end of July. I've been trying to play catch up ever since. I had budgeted to have that expense taken care of within the month, when a family I babysit for told me (with no notice) that they were taking the last 2 weeks of August off. A family of 2 that comes here full-time. No notice equals financial ruin when you are stretching your summer budget to the max and then paying for a furnace cleaning on top of that! Well ... I cut back some more, cancelled my dance lessons for a month ... and eeked through August.

I was just relaxing the spending a little bit when my unexpected surgery came up (September 8th). Instantly out of commission, my daycare income halts when I'm not working (but did I care at the time?? NO!). Amazingly enough, a new income opportunity arose the morning I was facing surgery ... I was able to resume babysitting on a part time basis within a few weeks ... when 'payday' came for me, many of my daycare families gave me a bonus ... and I was able to not only pay my bills ... but had a little left over for spending money! The money part of my health situation more than took care of itself. It was truly a miracle in many, many ways. I am in awe as to how things worked out.

So I finally sat down with my financial future in front of me this week. Strategizing how to make the best of the months before next summer arrives and I'm back to where I was at the end of July again.

I was slightly in shock when I looked at my new reality. I babysit for 9 families. 3 of them will be on maternity leave (one in December; another in March; the third in May); 2 of my families will not need me over the summer because they have other childcare arrangements over the summer; another family has only needed me sporadically over the summer months. That leaves me with 3 families that I hope that I can count on. Frightening.

I sat with the numbers in front of me and figured if I am very frugal I can set up some back up plans, I looked at the names I have on my 'waiting list' and figured it is too soon to call anyone to fill the soon-to-be-empty daycare spots. For now, I must wait. In the daycare world, things change on a dime. You simply can't count on anything.

A day or so passed ... and I was puttering around with different ideas in my head. Mostly things that entertain and challenge me. Everything to do with writing ... some to do with dancing ... writing about dancing excites me. So I put myself out on a limb and dropped off some ideas at the dance studio. Ideas to generate some excitement about dancing that could be written about/downloaded onto a website or blog. I dropped my little package off and then panic set in. "Who do I think I am??" went through my mind more often than not! "Why do you think that they would be interested in that??" I berated myself over and over.

Then I woke up this morning. I don't need anyone's okay to write about something that fuels my passion the way dancing does! I have many little writing projects on the go ... each of them is a small part of me. Why not add dancing to the list??

The more I thought about writing, the more I thought of the family histories that I am starting to put together right now. It is more of a challenge to write someone else's history because you simply don't have that insight that comes from being a family member. How can I do this?? For the moment, I have simply been collecting stories. I've been waiting for inspiration and ambition to strike so that I can find a new slant to tell their story from. As I opened up myself to the endless possibilities out there, I have a few ideas coming to me. I need to find time to immerse myself in this project to plant a few seeds and see what grows.

I woke up with ideas and inspiration this morning. From writing projects, to the best way to handle the work that I will have to do today (from the small business I am working for), to getting my 'Friday chores' done around the house and managing the children I have in my care today. How can I do all of this and still feel energized to go to my dance lesson tonight?? How? By being excited about it!

I watched an episode of Oprah this morning and the theme of the show was "Do what you are passionate about and the money will follow."

Writing fuels a passion in me that has revived me and filled me with life. I have gotten feedback from my various writing endeavors from a wide variety of people. It makes me feel as though my passion is coming through and I'm reaching people. Writing is it for me! I shall follow this passion and see where it leads.

I have opened myself up the possibility of that maybe the lost daycare income could be filled with income from other sources. Between working for this small business and following my desire to write ... the possibilities are endless. As long as I am open to them.

There is a state of euphoria within my very being these days. It is very frightening at times. At other times I feel very fortunate to have this fire burning within me. It would be safe and easy to snuff out the fire and just let my life amble on in a tepid direction. But I think I'm ready to let the fire burn ... if I keep 'feeding' it, who knows how long this could last??

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Our Silent Language

"Dancing is wonderful training for girls, it's the first way you learn to guess what a man is going to do before he does it." ~Christopher Morley, Kitty Foyle

Following your partner's lead in dance is a crucial first step. It continually amazes me how the slightest nuance of my partner's move and body position creates an automatic reaction in me. My brain doesn't even have a chance to process it - my body simply reacts.

How often does this happen in our day to day life? Continually!

The language that we speak without ever opening our mouths, it is a universal language that is understood by all.

Oprah featured Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor on her show yesterday (her book is "My Stroke of Insight"). Dr. Taylor suffered a stroke which affected the left hemisphere of her brain. She lost her ability to speak, understand or communicate language, she lost the constant 'chatter' that goes on in your brain, her past, her ability to cognitively reason. The words she tried to form were garbled and the words she heard sounded like that of a golden retriever trying to talk. It was as if she was a new born infant inside of an adult body.

Yet ... the right hemisphere of her brain fully understood the nuances of the language being spoke. She understood by the tone of a voice, that help was on its way. She understood by the inflections of voice what was positive. She felt the positive and negative energy of the nurses that entered her hospital room. They didn't say a word, but she felt their energy and could tell the difference between those that were going through the paces of their jobs and those that took a moment to look her in the eye, touch her and make her feel like a vital presence in the room. She didn't know who her mother was, but the moment her mother saw her, she (her mother) instinctively went and cuddled up to her. The communication without words spoke loudly to her right hemisphere - she knew that she was safe in the arms of this stranger.

It was amazing to hear her tell her story. As a doctor who studies the brain (before her stroke), she had an awareness that she was able to consciously study her own brain as this was happening. It took her 8 years to recover. And now she is a walking testament to those who have suffered a stroke and to those whose communication skills have been lost. She speaks candidly about how simply it would have been to just fall asleep and let it all end. Living in the right hemisphere of your brain is a very blissful place to be.

The unvocalized communication that spoke to Dr. Taylor throughout her experience spoke volumes to me. Body language speaks louder than words. The most subtle movement is processed unconsciously by us continuously throughout our life time. From the moment we are born ... with every interaction with another living being ... every day of our lives.

Life is like a dance ... sometimes we lead ... sometimes we follow. Sometimes the lead is firm and strong ... other times it is subtle and uncertain. As we dance along, to the music we call life there will be times that you must lead when you want to follow ... and times when you must let someone else take the lead. There is nothing more reassuring than dancing through life with people who understand your every move ... and you understand theirs.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


I overheard someone talking about being in a year of mourning this past weekend. A year ...

I have personally found the 'first year' anniversaries of anything in my life (good or bad), the ones that stand out most in my mind. For some reason, the thoughts "a year ago today .... " often cross my mind. I guess it's my way of measuring where I am at in my life. Am I going backwards, moving forward or standing still?

I love the years where I look back and celebrate the year anniversary of something that makes my heart sing. But somehow, even when I look back at the anniversary of something that didn't feel so wonderful at the time, I celebrate my survival and growth.

This past weekend marks the year anniversary of the end of the mourning period I put myself through when a long term relationship didn't last. There was a definite mark in time, where I literally packaged it up and chalked it up to a learning experience. The pain was gone.

It was an annual event that we had shared that I felt was special, that had me running for the woods last year. I allowed myself one last escape from the past before I forged into my future. I had to literally leave the city to put a physical distance from what I knew I would feel if I stayed so close. I ran away from the past ... but I ran towards my future.

The 'mourning period' prior to that landmark weekend was a process. Every step along the way was necessary to feel what I needed to feel ... talk about what I needed to talk about ... time to reexamine the past and understand it. The weekend I ran away, I ran to a cousin and I poured out my heart one last time. We talked about our past and our present. She was newly married and it was having a glimpse at the future life she was building ... that opened my eyes to the life that I had in front of me. I drove home in anticipation of the road yet travelled ... my future.

I think that a person has to allow themselves to feel and grieve loss. It is a process and the time it takes for each person is as individual as they are. It's something that can't be rushed ... yet at the same time, you can't lose yourself to grief. It's important to survive it.

A year ago today .... I felt healed and grateful to have climbed out of the abyss of my grief. I was finally in a place where I could look back and it didn't hurt any more. I still had my memories. Nothing or no one can ever take away those. I choose to focus on the positive and happier memories but I do not want to lose the lessons learned from the painful ones.

From this point on, my "a year ago today" memories are those of growth, happiness, peace and contentment. I survived the tough year. The first year. Now it is time to look beyond that year and focus on the path that lies ahead.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Gift of Memories

I've just lived one of those kinds of weekends that is nice to have the ability to look back on ...

It's been a while since I have 'made a movie'. There for a while I was making videos of everything. I had forgotten the reason why I got hooked on this in the first place.

It's a gift to have a day that stands out from the rest. It is also a treat to take a look at a regular day and realize that special moments happen all of the time. It is just a matter of noticing them.

I do believe that is why I reinvented myself after I got my Flip Video camera last December. I had the ability to not only capture these moments ... but to share them. Whether by video mail ... or on a blog ... or on a DVD ... or just to hold onto them to 'make a movie' later on.

We so often get caught up in the business of living, that we miss a lot that goes on around us. I can't begin to count the moments that I have caught the kids on video, replayed it later and found a completely different spin on something ... or something that I didn't even realize had happened at the time. In capturing my niece's wedding on video, there were several small things that I hadn't noticed until I had rewound the day and replayed it afterwards.

Life is like that. Things are happening all around us all of the time. Sometimes we are simply caught up in our own thoughts and don't notice something ... sometimes there is too much going on and you can't absorb everything at once ... sometimes you just have your back turned, your attention diverted or you just blink at the wrong moment. It's nice to have a way to replay a moment. To keep the memory fresh and to revive the memory when it fades.

It's like recording a moment of history. Something we can look at a day, a year or decades later.

So I have spent the better part of this day 'making movies'. I have become hooked on history this year. Today's special events are tomorrow's history. It's nice to have that history on record. I'm trying to record it every chance I get.

Now ... just to focus on living in the present!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Maintaining Gratitude

This is the 6th Saturday off, in my new life that incorporates 2 day weekends into my world. I woke up this morning very appreciative of the day off. The shine is starting to fade on this newly acquired benefit in my life. How do I keep my appreciation alive and fresh?

Gratitude is key. I still woke up with 'thank you' forefront in my mind. I have an exciting plans for the day and it is so great to have the entire day off to bask in the glow of what in store.

Time is a gift. It seems that no matter what is or isn't going on in my life, I seem to create a busyness about me. Things to do, routines to follow, goals to attain. It all adds a specialness to the gift of time that is left over at the end of the day.

As I listen to what is going on in the world these days (the financial crisises abounding), I must admit that I do wonder why I think that I can afford to take this time off. I have replaced the lost income (in whole or in part ... time will tell, as the year ahead unfolds), so this actually has given me the freedom to give me more time at home. A fair bit of time is devoted to this new job from my home. But I do wonder if I should be working at every opportunity I have and squirreling away the excess for stormy weather ahead?

The past 10 years of my life have been devoted to earning a living from my home. It started out as a strong desire to be an at-home parent for my children. I remember the lists that I wrote out as ideas started formulating in my mind as to how I could support myself. Since that time, my dedication to self employment has been tested time and time again. Every single time that I was at a fork in the road and had to make a decision - do I go back to the security of my old job ... or do I stay committed to the daycare I am running? The moment I made a firm decision in my mind to stay home, some small miracle would happen that lessened the financial burden and made it viable to continue on the path that I had chosen. Every single time!! It was as if (as The Secret maintains), I created my own life - by the picture I had in my mind, the picture I created financially/emotionally/realistically made me believe this could work. I think it would be fair to say that every year of the 10 years I've been running my daycare, I have had a period of anxiety where I wondered "Where do I go from here?" Every year, I decided to keep working from home. This year, I added a new dimension to that dilemma by asking "Can I afford to let go of my Saturday job?" I created my new reality, made choices that have allowed me this gift. And ... here I am!

I never want to lose the appreciation that I have for the life that I am living. I've made choices that are right for me ... and right for my family. I have a peace of mind that money simply can't buy. And now, I have the gift of a 2 day weekend.

It makes my Saturdays off, just a little more special.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Lives We Touch

"We never touch people so lightly that we do not leave a trace."
-Peggy Tabor Millin

The little things we say and do can make such a difference in another person's day. A smile, a kind word or gesture can go a long way. Not only does a person feel better by spreading kindness, but the feeling is multiplied along the way.

The same is true of unkindness, rudeness and hurtful things.

Given a choice, I choose to spread good feelings. I know that whenever the world smiles upon me, it is easier to smile back than to frown.

'Pay it forward' ... take a kindness that you receive and give it to the next person who crosses your path. The greatest gifts in life come from giving.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Thank You

I once heard a statement that was along the lines of: "If you say no other prayer but 'thank you' ... it is enough."

As I woke up this Thanksgiving Day morning, I found myself grateful for the most basic elements of life and living.

During times of crisis, I seem to fall back on my 'prayer of gratitude'.

When I separated from my husband, I walked away from our home and its material belongings, I left my job, my friends and family, I carried our financial debt load with me and moved myself and my children out of the province and physically separated ourselves from a destructive life. I had my children. I had peace and safety in our new life. We were together, safe, happy and healthy. We had it all. And I was grateful.

As 9-11 was unfolding and rewinding and replaying in our lives that fateful day back in 2001, I vividly recall wandering around my home giving thanks for the peace and safety we feel in our country and in our homes. As the entire U.S. nation had an invisible threat lying in wait ... I felt for them. I ached for the many losses and the unending effect of the tragic events of that day. And I was grateful for the many blessings we take for granted.

My life has had its share of drama. Minor events in the whole scheme of things, but I grew up in a safe and predictable home where 'normal' was taken for granted. I didn't understand that the entire world outside of my safe harbour at home was not the same. As my life unfolded, I ran into many different experiences that taught me not to trust, the world can be unsafe, life is not easy and you must experience it to understand it.

I'm grateful for the safety net of the home and family I grew up in. I'm grateful that safety net of my family is still very much intact. I'm grateful for every challenge that I have faced in my life because it has brought me to this very day and made me appreciate the small things in my life. I'm grateful for the safe and predictable life that I have been able to provide for my own children these past few decades. We have always had everything we need. We have always had the security of that safety net beyond our own home - the security of family and good friends. We have had each other and we've had so much more.

One of the things I am most grateful for is our health. Our family has truly been blessed. There is certainly a history of health risks that run in our family. But we live in a world where we are very much aware of the facts, health care is within every one's grasp, emergency care is a phone call away and the wealth of knowledge and abilities of the doctors is growing every day. As a child, my oldest son was very materialistic and somewhat bitter about the things that we didn't have. He hated the fact that we had little extra money to fritter away on extravagances. We once had a conversation about money. I was trying to tell him how rich we really were - because of all we did have. I believe the conversation led to the question - if you could have your health or a million dollars, what would you choose. He chose money - because his thinking was that you could buy everything you need. My response was - 'No. You can't. Good health is simply something that can't be bought. I'm sure that those suffering with chronic illness would give away all of their worldly possessions if they could just regain their health.'

Money cannot buy the things that are most important in life. The material belongings that surround us are truly immaterial.

I have a home that shelters us, food to feed us, the ability to earn a living that sustains us. Our home is blessed with a haven of safety and warmth, it is a place to welcome family and friends. And we have our health. We live in a country where we feel safe, our water is clean and readily available and our governments provide safety nets to provide for all. The geography of where we live provides us with weather that can be unpredictable and somewhat annoying ... but it is a rare occurrence where there is loss of life due to the many forces of nature that are a fact of life in many areas of the world.

When I look at the world around me and the smaller world of my home and family I realize how rich I am. And I am grateful.

"Happy Thanksgiving" ... may you look around your world every day and find small blessings hidden around every corner.

Saturday, October 11, 2008


Gravity works. For every high there is a low.

As I've been bouncing around enthused by all of the positive endorphins racing around in my head, I feel gravity trying to weigh me down. The energy is still racing around in my brain but I seem to be weighed down by the reality of all of the balls I have up in the air.

I have loved the pace of life these past weeks. The reality is that these weeks have not been typical. My daycare days have been easy, quiet and I've had several afternoons off. I haven't had to work at full speed for 5 weeks now. It's not that I've sat still during that time. I've filled the time and energy that I usually spend on the kids ... on things of my own choosing. It has been wonderful.

Something happened after I booked my dance lesson yesterday. I started falling back down to earth. I have also taken a step away from dancing these past 3 months (for one reason, after another). It is a half hour commitment that fulfills me for 7 days. Yet for some reason ... my reality started hitting home soon after I booked that lesson.

At the most chaotic time in my life, dancing took up time and energy that I didn't have. It left a bad taste in my mouth for a while. But after stepping away from it for a year, I was more than ready to return to it last January. It was a giant step towards regaining my long, lost 'self'. It was fantastic!

My instructor is wonderful, I love to dance, I love to learn, I love to challenge myself and I love the opportunity to be around other adults. I love it.

Yet ... I'm a little bit nervous. With all the other things that I've added into my life over the past few months, am I going to have the enthusiasm that I expect from myself? I loved the energy and desire to push the limits of what I could learn, when I started dancing 8 years ago. My motto was to become the best dancer that I could afford to be. I want to have that burning desire within me again. I'm spreading myself out in various areas of my life. Can I do it all??

When I feel such a peace within, it feels risky to push myself out on a ledge. Everything that I am building in my life right now is based from the comfort of my home. I run my daycare from home, I'm working for a small company from my home, I'm putting together family histories from my home. I must leave my home, to go to my dance lesson.

It's time to leave the safety of my nest here at home. My life is not without adult interaction, but there is a magic in that dance studio that breathes life into me. Maybe I'm scared that the magic is gone. Maybe I am not loving the idea of leaving my house. Maybe I feel I won't meet my own expectations.

Maybe I'm just falling back down to earth. It had to happen sooner or later ...

Friday, October 10, 2008

A Happy Heart

My heart is beating with excitement, anticipation, appreciation and passion for life ...

The forced work slow-down in my daycare world, afforded me the luxury of treating the kids to a fun outing today. Something that rarely or never could happen, with my regular kid-load. I was so excited to be able to do this with/for the kids today, that this honestly felt like a day off!

I love how my heart thumps to the beat of: "Thank you ... thank you ... thank you ...". There is so much that I am grateful for. SO much! A day like this is special, but I have a life that is a little bit special every day. There are blessings sprinkled through my days.

I received a bonus from my 'Saturday job' (that I have taken a one year leave from), in acknowledgement of my 20 years of service. As soon as I saw that unexpected windfall, all I could think was "I shall dance!!". I called my dance instructor this afternoon and have set up my next few dance lessons.

As I look to the days and weeks ahead, I am eagerly anticipating what lies in store.

If you put a stethoscope to my chest, I am almost certain that you could hear ''Thank you'' beating within my heart. With every breath I take ... I am grateful.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


***This was the quote attached to the Al Nelson Weitzel "Portrait of a Pinecone" that I received today, as acknowledgement for the 20 years that I have worked at the Credit Union. What a perfect expression of thanks for the years I have worked with them!
***“From a single seed may grow a mighty forest.”
A portrait of a pinecone. Every great achievement begins as a great idea. Fact is everybody has great ideas. How many times have we thought of something that might make for a great business or a unique new product only to let the ideas slip away, thinking it impractical. Then, only a short time later, that business opens down the block or that product is the basis for the latest info-mercial. Just as seeds can only grow when they are planted, ideas can only grow when given the opportunity. Next time you have the seed of a great idea, maybe you should try planting it, instead of letting it blow into somebody else’s yard. -Al Nelson Weitzel
***This is a sentiment that I've been learning to live these days. I have been following my heart and listening to ideas that feel worthy of acting on. My ideas are small and I will not become rich from them, but following through on them has enriched my life.
***This link takes you directly to the portrait that I received today, and if you click on the arrows below the picture, it takes you to other artwork and quotes from Al Nelson Weitzel. What a gift this is!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Creating Your Life

"You are creating your life from within, and everything you experience on the outside is of your own creation. You may have created some things unconsciously, but still you created them. When you can take responsibility for all that is around you, not blaming yourself or anyone else, but understanding that somehow or another you created it, then and only then can you set yourself free. You will know that if you created it, you have the power to change it and create what you want." - excerpt from The Secret

I woke up this morning, opened my eyes, stretched out, enjoyed the comfort and warmth of my bed and the first thought of the day was, "I love my life."

What a gift it is, to wake up and have that as your first conscious thought. I lead a very charmed life. I am surrounded in goodness. And as I read the thought of the day from 'The Secret' calendar that I have (the above quote), I felt truly grateful and appreciative that this is a life that I have created!

The Oprah episode that I had taped (and watched this morning) was all about forgiveness. "Forgiveness is a gift that you give yourself'''. I truly believe that. I have had my life touched with incidents that have been hurtful to endure. At the time I was living them, I felt the raw emotion that was attached to those occasions. The psychologist (on Oprah) referred to anger as a sneeze. It is necessary to express and feel it, so that you can release it from your body. But to hold onto that anger does nothing to hurt the other person. The only person you hurt is yourself. To forgive is not to condone those actions, but to release yourself from the anger. Allowing myself to forgive has been a great part of this life I have created. The energy it takes to hold a grudge and be angry is so much better spent on other areas of living!

Another quote from an episode of Oprah that resonated with me is "Daring to care is the greatest lesson" (Maya Angelou). Opening up my heart to my family and friends has proven to be nothing but a gift. I've had a few relationships that have made 'daring to care' a risk. But I am opening myself up to the idea that the reason that it was a risk to put my heart on the line, is because subconsciously I knew that these relationships were draining my resources. I don't think that it was my inability to care ... I think it was just the wrong person for me to retain in my life. I created those choices within my life and lived with the consequences. I learned some valuable lessons that has molded me into the person I have become. So even those relationships were placed in my life for a reason. Forgiveness and moving on has released me from the negative part of that equation and I've held onto the lessons and whatever I could keep as positive from that relationship.

I'm in a very safe spot in my life right now. I feel an ease and comfort with my life ... the life that I have created! When a person feels safe and content, there is energy to move life in a forward direction. Take small risks and try a new 'path'.

I have visions of things I want to accomplish, places that I want my life to go and the people I want to surround myself with. I feel like I am putting my 'best self' out there these days. And in return, I feel a warmth and security that envelops me. Very much like the warmth and comfort that I woke up to this morning.

I believe we do create our own lives. And if that's the case, the sky is the limit!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Making Room for Change

It is official. My request for a leave of absence from my Saturday job has been approved.

The idea of not having to physically be somewhere else on Saturday mornings, not having to worry about childcare on Saturdays, having flexibility to make weekend plans and having those 2 consecutive days off ... is fantastic!

But I haven't made this decision without the conscious awareness of how I can utilize the time I have given back to myself.

I have new goals, ideas and ambitions. They were all starting to appear in my life just before my unexpected surgery. And the idea of the new things I had added to my life was just a little bit daunting. Then ... my health made me stop in my tracks ... I listened to the answers that surfaced to the top of my consciousness in the quiet of my recovery time. And I have arrived.

I am in a new but familiar place. All that I am, is stemming from my home. I am working, playing and living .. all from the comfort of my home.

It is a pure blessing to me, to make a living for myself. From home. I've added a new job to my home-career (one that I'd love to blossom, as it requires enough checks and balances to challenge my brain). And I'm allowing myself to take steps towards putting together 2 more family's histories and memories. This is something that fuels a passion in me.

I have the time and energy to nurture my relationships with family and friends. There was a time that I was so greedy with the morsels of time left at the end of a day or week or during time off. Now, I welcome the luxury of having the time to have room in my life for friendships to flourish, get to know my extended family better and take the time to savor the moments with my immediate family.

Time. It is a finite object. Yes, a person can cram a lot of living into a short time frame. But in the long haul, it is important to me to have the time to enjoy the small moments in life. It has always been about the 'small stuff' with me. I can handle the moments of crisis in stride. It is in the mundaneness of day to day living, the ruts I get into, taking relationships for granted and the routines I have become slave to, that I lose myself.

This fall has reawakened the part in me that is ready for change. Small steps. Steps that are more comfortable than they were a year ago. But steps that I'm ready to take.

I've cleared the path in my life to make room for the changes I see ahead.